He – ” What do you think should be done to get rid of smell coming from shoes”
She – ” You can wash it”
He – ” Can you wash it for me then?”
‘He’ from our story is 35-year-old engineer. ‘She’ is a stay-at-home mom of 2 kids. He works in office and supports the family financially. She takes care of house and kids and manages everything from cooking, cleaning & entertaining kids. These are their identities.
No, she is not stay at home mom because she is not qualified to get job. She is stay at home mom because she chose to be one. She has worked for a decade before deciding to be at home full time for looking after kids. Raising her kids right, providing them nutritious food and loving stress-free environment at home is her first priority. She wants to focus on her kids at least in the initial years of their development. Her younger one is just 8 months old. She doesn’t want to get full time job till her baby is at least 2 years old.
She knows that they can’t afford her to be stay at home mom for long. She dreads the day when she will have to get back to work to earn. She loves to take care of her family. No, she is not lazy. A lazy person can’t and won’t do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, laundry along with taking care of kids. Her day starts at 5 am and ends after 10pm. Though she doesn’t go to office, somehow, she still can’t manage to get even a short nap in afternoon and continuous 7-hour sleep at night. And here is her husband thinking and treating her like “she sleeps all day doing nothing”.
Are we understating work done by our stay-at-home moms because our moms did the same and did it without complaining? Previous generation had village to raise kids. Their kids weren’t raised in 2-bedroom apartment. Whatever they ate was healthy. Unhealthy food was luxury, and they couldn’t afford it. Kids played in yards, gardens, mud, water, roads. They didn’t need TV, phone and mom to keep them engaged. Challanges and priorities in old times were different. I won’t say they had easier life. But your wife isn’t having easy life either.
Do you remember the last time she shopped for herself? Do you remember the last time she went for a day out with her friends? No right? She isn’t asking you for costly gifts. She isn’t demanding jewelry or electronics from you. What she is expecting is some recognition of her efforts. And a little respect.
She is just trying to do everything right for her kids and you. Still, you have guts to ask her to wash your shoes. And when she questions you, you shamelessly tell her that she doesn’t even give you morning tea? She doesn’t! Because she wakes up every day early morning and cooks’ breakfast for you and your kids. She cooks lunch in morning itself so that she can look after the younger baby later in day without worrying about cooking lunch. Taking care of younger one also includes cooking separate food and spoon feeding her as well. And yes, she also breastfeeds – so breastfeeding her at least 4 times a day and 2-3 times at night. Your elder son goes to school with a snack box and lunch box – both filled with fresh homemade food. Do you remember going to office without lunch box? I don’t think so. Do you know the main reason she doesn’t make tea for you daily? Because you like sweet tea and you ask to add at least 2 spoons of sugar. She cares for your health. Yes, she does.
What do you think – she won’t like earning her own money? She doesn’t miss her old independent self. She doesn’t like to shop?
She is doing it for her kids. Otherwise, she has no reasons to tolerate constant negligence and criticism from you or toxicity of your family members.
8 years into marriage, she has understood well that whatever you do, how much you do, it will never be enough. Still, she is with you – for her kids.
