After staying in Texas for 1 year and 3 months, me and my son moved back from Texas, USA to India in Dec 23. However, my husband returned to USA after dropping us to India.
Our plan to stay in Texas, was only for 2 years, a maximum of 3 years due to my mother-in-law’s dependency on us. We couldn’t leave her in our hometown with relatives for more than 2 years. But plans were altered, and we had to cut shot our stay.
Reason for Shifting back.
First, my only brother was getting married. And second, I was pregnant. If I had to travel to India during pregnancy 5th month, there was no way I would travel back at the 6th month of pregnancy. One-way travel was too hectic itself. So, the decision was made to continue our stay in India.
Also, I didn’t want 1 Indian & 1 American child if we weren’t staying in America for long term. How were we supposed to afford the college education of American children in India? As she would have been considered NRI and we would have been forced to pay NRI fees for her. I don’t think we would have saved that much in 2-3 years of US stay.
So here we are, back to our home in India. Away from the peace of Texas to chaotic life in Pune.
Challenges while settling back.
Though I am on a career break, life still feels hectic here. Mostly because I am pregnant and handling a preschooler on my own. Though I have my mother-in-law staying with me, my son is hardly attached to her. And in his father’s absence, he is all upon me for everything.
And believe me or not, the amount of household work increases when you are in India. There are no dishwashers here. The floor needs to be broomed and swept daily. And laundry needs to be done daily. Dryers here won’t automatically dry your clothes. They just drain off the water. They must be kept in the balcony for drying in sunlight. Not forgetting to add, a continuous flow of relatives to your house.
All these things were normal for me before visiting Texas. But when you are 7 months pregnant and have an elder child who is constantly throwing tantrums, managing things becomes difficult. Even with household help.
More than me, it’s my son, who is still struggling to adapt here. He has still not accepted the idea that we are not going to go back to Texas. Every night before going to bed he tells me that we are going to fly back to Texas tonight. He misses his old apartment in Texas, the few friends he had there, and also his old preschool.
Listing down the challenges we faced and are facing currently to settle back in our own homeland:
1. Chocolates and Junk food
The first challenge for me was getting rid of my son’s new habit of throwing tantrums for eating chocolates. Family and relatives here bestow their love in the form of chocolates. He was presented with an abundance of chocolates and would throw tantrums in shops for packets of gems and chocolates. Continuous resistance from me has decreased this habit now. But I had to fight with my father, mother-in-law and others to stop this continuous flow of junk towards him. He wouldn’t eat homemade food as he had developed a liking for this stuff. Slowly things are improving though.
2. Health Issues
All of us fell sick within 2 days after moving back. Though we recovered, my son has suffered the most. He was getting cold and fever continuously with gap of 5-6 days. He suffered from stomach pain and vomiting due to colic, and acidity. He was admitted to the hospital once for high degree fever. All this happened within 45 days of returning. And for most part I was handling it all alone. Still, he is on medication as his pediatrician thinks he might be having cough and cold due to some allergy.
And speaking about me, I lost more than 1 kg of weight within 20 days. I am pregnant and that’s a big deal. I am still struggling to put on weight. I have had common cold 3 times in 45 days. Someone or the other is always sick in the family.
I don’t know why but we never fell sick in Texas. Hardly sometimes, my son would have some cold during weather change. But he never got fever, or rash or any kind of pain. Not sure if it’s because of cleaner air or healthy lifestyle that we followed there.
3. School
My son refused to go to new school here. I had to drag him to school every day forcefully. And my god, there was no way he was getting convinced to walk to school. And I couldn’t lift him because he is 16 kg and I am not advised to lift him due to pregnancy. I would literally pull him, beg him, scold him, scare him. Did everything to get him to school.
Though he goes to school now and I don’t have to regularly pull him, he still throws tantrums sometimes.
Another challenge was complaints from his teachers. He is still not listening to any of his teachers in school. He just sits at one place for 3 hours and comes back. Resists everything whatever teachers ask him to do. Teachers told me not to listen to him at home and not to pamper him so much. How am I supposed to convince my mother-in-law who gets irritated even if he cries a little?
My poor baby misses his old school and old teachers.
4. Stubbornness
Yes, my son did get more stubborn after coming back. The change was huge for him. He has been mostly sick here. And pampering is unlimited. I feel like I lost my old Harshu back in Texas. He feels like a totally new person with new tantrums and new stubbornness.
I am still trying to deal with it.
5. Relatives
I have no problem having guests. But in the present situation, I want someone who will look after me and my baby. I have no strength to look after and feed other people.
Don’t take me wrong here. It’s not that I don’t like these people. They are my people, my family. But I don’t have strength to be the host anymore.
6. Peace of mind
Though India is my homeland, I feel like I left my peace of mind in Texas. Everyone including me is concerned about my son. No one talks about how I feel. No one is bothered about how I am dealing with everything alone. There is no peace of mind. But constant arguments, judging and pointing out of parenting mistakes by others.
I miss my old peaceful life. Let’s see how long this phase lasts.
