There comes time, when you have to take tough decisions for better future. A year back we took one such life changing decision. I moved back to India when I was 6 months pregnant. My husband went back to Texas. As per our agreement, he is supposed to stay in Texas for a year without us.
Two Main reasons for this decision
- Indian Citizenship: We wanted our newborn to have Indian nationality. Though US passport has many benefits, we wanted our second born to have Indian citizenship just like her big brother.
- Money: My husband extended his stay in US, as US currency has higher value compared to Indian currency. With 1 year extension he could save us some additional money.
- MIL: My mother-in-law is old and needs our support. She is one of the important reasons we dint extend our stay in US.
With decision made & enacted, I am currently staying in India with my newborn, my 4-year-old and my mother-in-law.
Life wasn’t as simple as I had thought after moving back. Will share my experience handling things as single mom in India with 2 kids and MIL
Pros of living in India
- Labor: India has cheap labor. Getting house help is very easy in India. With 3 house helps I was able to manage everything post delivery. Massage lady would come every morning to massage & bathe my newborn. A cook would come to cook for the family & a cleaner lady to clean & sweep the house. Now, 4 months post delivery massage lady & morning cook’s job has ended. But I still have cook for dinner & sweeper lady working for me. It is really a great help when managing all the household & kids.
- Family & Relatives: Having closed ones around you makes you feel secure and relaxed. Whenever you need them, your loved ones are just a phone call away. My father stayed with me in Pune for almost 6 months pre & post pregnancy. He took care of few household chores & 7 my older son. My sister in law & mother in law helped me post delivery. I was able to take care of my baby because of support from all these people.
- Standard of Living : With the money you earn in US, you can have better standard of living in India compared to US. You don’t have to think twice before ordering food from outside or buying toys of your kids choice.
Though there are many pros of staying in India, there aren’t any pros on stating away from husband. Lets now focus on cons of having husband 8,834 miles away.
- Support for Children: My elder one immensely misses his father & life from Texas. Even after 8 months today, he still wants to go back to Texas & live the life he was enjoying earlier. I failed at giving him all the joy, comfort, happiness which we both could give him in Texas. His father being not around to take him to parks, car rides & fun activities make him sad. He cannot tell his emotions in words. But he displays it through unpleasant behavior. He was best behaved kid in Texas, while here, he is one of the worst behaved kids, who even hit his teacher. I never thought my kid would do that. But having both the parents around is a big deal when raising kids.
- Impact on my peace of mind : When you have your partner, you can rely on him for emotional support. In his absence, you become vulnerable when handling your mother in laws taunts & your kids tantrums alone. Its just too difficult to raise well behaved kids with having grandmother who spoils and overpampers your kid. And you do not have your husband to talk on behalf of you. If you talk, you become a person who disrespects elders. It all becomes just too complicated.
- Help with household chores: Not all husbands cook in kitchen for their family. But there are still lot more activities which husbands do to ensure smooth running of household. For example getting groceries, fruits and vegetable on time, getting flour from mill , paying all the utility bills, attending meetings in school, dropping kids to school & extracurricular activities, dealing with plumbers & carpenters for broken stuff etc etc. With him not being around, I have to do it all alone.
- Hospitals : This is the most important factor where I miss him a lot. With a newborn, a 4 year old school going kid, almost 55 year old mother in law with several health issue & me who has just recovered from childbirth. We have constant visits to doctors. Sometimes your own health is neglected while taking care of children & older members of family.
- Emergencies: There was a incident when my son suddenly got very high fever. He was sitting with us for dinner, and then he said that he was feeling cold. we gave him blanket. within 15 mins he was shivering with old even under blanket. His temperature was very high and was about to faint. I called his pediatrician. He advised to give him paracetamol. But my son was in no senses to talk or to take paracetamol. I has 7 months pregnant. Luckily I had a visitor that day. She picked him up. I called the cab & we both admitted him to hospital. Once hospitalized, doctors took over & situation was under control. Sometimes I wonder, what if I didn’t have a visitor to help me that day? How I would have lifted my 17 kg kid with 7 month pregnant belly?
- No Fun Activities: I just cannot dare to step outside the house with a kid, a newborn & a old lady. There is no way we can go out to park or a mall or any other place together. Cant leave my newborn at home & go out for fun either. That means no enjoyment for you or your kids.
- Sense of Security: Staying with kids, without a man in house, sometimes you can feel scared when doorbell rings at late hours in night. It might be a neighbor or delivery boy. But there is always a little fear in corner of the heart. Though I stay in very secure neighborhood, news about crimes make me scared.
- Physical Intimacy : I might not be too romantic, having popped out a baby few months back. But sex is always a good way to feel relaxed & closer to your spouse. I miss him so much on rainy days.
- He misses you too : 2 weeks back, my husband got very emotional and said, “I am coming back. I cant stay away from my little kids for so long. I cant even sleep.” I cant even imagine staying away from my 2 little munchkins but my husband is doing it. Only for our better future. He is having hard life too.
